Oh…well…

     When I was 11 and half years old, I was quite afraid of being punished and scolded. It was probably everyone’s nature, but in my case, it was way too far. I just couldn’t stand the hard moment. Fortunately, the fear mostly drove me to a good way that I acted like a good-kid-in-textbook. However, in the game of baduk, it affected me negatively. The problem was that whenever I went to tournaments or competitions, I didn’t play as well as usual because I was too afraid of letting my teacher down and being told things.

     At the time, all students had to memorize 10 professional games in a day as a punishment if they hadn’t won 3 games out of 5 at a monthly competition. It was a day before the monthly competition. I was so nervous and anxious as usual. My teacher, who passed away several years ago, came to me and asked why I looked so serious. So I told him that I was really worried that I might not win 3 games tomorrow. Then he said “If you come to me secretly after the match and tell me you did all your best and you didn’t regret a bit, I will let you not to memorize the games and say nothing about it.”

     Guess what? I won 4 games out of 5 at the competition.

I lost a big match yesterday against Hye-yeon. It was a Quarter Final of Female Kuksu Cup. It felt as if my inner world collapsed. Yet I reminded myself of what my teacher told me about 10 years ago. Yesterday, the match lasted under 7 hours. I thought, thought and thought to find better moves. So did Hye-yeon I guess. I gave my best shot after all…

     You did a good job. Be proud of yourself, Hajin.