A few days ago, there was a graduation ceremony at my school, in which two close friends of mine officially received the permission to leave the school. I dressed up from the morning and gladly prepared two bunches of flowers, small gifts and congratulation cards. On the way to the school, I told myself that the ceremony would be interesting--full of touching speeches and meaningful moments. As I entered the auditorium, finding people in their graduation gowns and caps, the fact that they were leaving flooded into my mind. I knew it was a happy day for them. I knew I would see them again. I knew it was nothing new but things like that happened all the time eventually. And yet, I couldn’t help bursting into tears.

I felt sad that my close friends were leaving. I was especially close with one of them, who was going back to her home country, Thailand soon after the ceremony. In the baduk community, you are almost guaranteed to keep meeting the same people unless either of you quit playing. Before coming to Solbridge, virtually all my friends were connected through baduk, and I haven’t really thought about losing them. As long as we are both baduk players, which won’t change easily, I will probably have a chance to see them again.

In my freshman year in middle school, I had one best friend, who also graduated from the same elementary school as me. She didn’t talk much, but had a golden heart with a bright smile. We always had lunch together, and she helped me a lot with afternoon classes and homework because I left the school after lunch break to go to the baduk academy. Yet, she was so caring and helpful that I didn’t feel much difficulty about that. From some point, however, I started noticing that she was hanging out with other friends more often than me. I asked her if I did anything wrong to her. She said she couldn’t stand it any more that her only friend would leave the school after lunch and she was alone at the school afterward. I felt terrible. I couldn’t believe that the thought never occurred to me. After this incident, I decided not to have any close friends at school, which I kept until high school.

When my mind came back to the present after this quick trip to the past, I started going back in my mind to see if I had close friends who were non-baduk players in my life. None. The two friends I've had at Solbridge were the first ones. I mean, I did have friends here and there, but they were never as close.                   

Anyway, thinking about my relationships with non-baduk players, I suddenly wondered how playing baduk could affect people’s personality or behavior in terms of the relationship. There is a saying in Korea that playing baduk brings you good friends. Considering the many players I have met, who were genuinely nice and friendly, it’s quite convincing. Also, I saw many cases where baduk players were actually very close to other players. Yet, a part of the reason people connect this way could be that baduk is such a rare hobby, especially in Western countries. Therefore, it’s not surprising that baduk players in the same town or club would become close friends. What I am interested in, though, is if there are other factors that distinguish baduk players from non-players as companions or friends.

First of all, the obvious message that baduk gives is that we are all independent. As you know, once you start playing you are not allowed to ask anyone else for advice. Everyone makes his or her own decisions and is responsible for the outcome. Consequently, baduk players tend to be independent even if they are as young as preteens. In my case, I left home and my family when I was 9 years old to learn baduk professionally. Needless to say, it would have been much more difficult baduk had not already taught me to be independent since I was 5.

In many senses being independent is desirable. It forms responsibility and maturity, and it also leads people to be proactive and positive. It is questionable, however, whether it has only an upside. For a long time I had believed that not asking for a favor or help was important in building or maintaining a good relationship. Yet, on the contrary, I’ve realized recently that people sometimes want to feel needed by their family, friends or girlfriends. Therefore, we should be aware that being too independent may make your people feel distance from us.

Do you know what one big commonality of most Korean professional player is? They don’t talk much. Though admittedly there are some exceptions, most of the players to whom I have personally talked were very quiet people. When I say quiet, I don’t mean they don’t like talking or have depressed personalities. On the contrary, they are usually bright people, who enjoy listening to others. It’s probably because playing baduk doesn’t require any talking. Thinking about it, professional players are the ones who have always played baduk since they were little kids. As you would easily assume, baduk players are usually comfortable with silence.

Again taking my case as an example, I don’t talk much either especially when I am with strangers or people with whom I am barely acquainted. Though I speak more when I am with people with whom I feel comfortable, I still don’t talk that much. Also, I tend to talk more in a smaller group, like two or three people including myself. Therefore, I prefer having a few close friends to many casual friends. Considering what I have seen so far, most professional players in Korea are not far from this.

Nevertheless, I am thinking the biggest difference between baduk players and non baduk players is nothing else, but baduk. Other than that, players are in the end still people and very similar to non-players. They may have a few unique characteristics. Yet, I believe any group of professionals or amateurs who have been doing one thing for long enough would share a few specific personality traits as well.

All this thinking about friendship and relationships doesn't mean I will miss my friends any less when they leave. Trying to analyze my feelings and past relationships is my way of trying to deal with the loneliness I will feel when they are gone. So, I wanted to say this to my friends who successfully graduated. Thank you for the wonderful time. I was really lucky to befriend you and befriended by you. You have made my school life much more memorable. I wish you the best in your life.